i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
