tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
bring money and cleavage
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
