I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
