i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
