Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
