what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
