I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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