I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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