WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
