omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
