Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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