I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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