so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
kristin has been a bad kristin
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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