Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
