i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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