he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
