you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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