I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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