If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
