Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
