My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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