Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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