An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
