i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
