apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
