Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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