Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
