I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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