Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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