I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
