i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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