Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
