Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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