I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
