Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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