it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
