I must be too annoying 4 u.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
