I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
