Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
