Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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