Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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