I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
