there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
