i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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