I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
