actually, I'm a sock model
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
