I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
