Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
