you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
