you turned your livingroom into a bong?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
