i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
