im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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