She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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