Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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