these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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