now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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