Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
