my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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