She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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