Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
