My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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