I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
