I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
