How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
