Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
