he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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