Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
