i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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