I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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