i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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