I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
