I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh god it's open bar.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
