he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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