...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
