It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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